Change of Heart, Peace of Mind :)

May 14, 2011

I got a new spiritual Birthday :)Today I was re-baptized and I must say the feeling was so relieving.  The night before had been so stressful. See I had already decided that getting re-baptized was something I wanted to do. I’ve struggled with the idea of it for a year, asked multiple pastors what their thoughts on it was, ignored all appeals even though I felt I should do this but I finally stood and walked to the front.

I wanted to get re-baptized because I wanted to make a public affirmation of my decision to follow Christ. I know a lot of people would probably say this move was more suited to someone who left the church had lots of sex smoked a lot of pot was all about partying in the skankiest clothes and such but I guess what you don’t know was my struggle can’t be seen as an outward struggle. My struggles where all welled up inside me.

I have a skill of somewhat masking up my emotions, so what you didn’t see was my anger, my very scarily close decisions to walk away from God 100% completely, things I felt I put higher then God himself. So spiritually I guess I looked ok. I would go church from time to time and join in some church activities but I was still in trouble.

Since coming out here you have read about a lot of changes I have been making within myself and how I notice there are things I wish to change to make my relationship with God real. Well May 13, 2011 mid-afternoon I knew getting re-baptized was a must and I was going to do when I returned home. Then during the evening at the last of Keith Phillips meetings the thought hit me. To be re-baptized is to die to self. I had to give everything to God before I go under. And sadly it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I spent a night pretty much a had a mini fast prayed, prayed, cried, prayed, journalized, prayed a bit more then fell asleep unhappy. When I woke up later the next morning I had come around in my decision. I would not go to hell for my wants here on earth; instead I would give it all to God and go from there. And then there was peace.

I walked up said my vows and such in front of the church cried walked to the beach and went to my watery grave and came up a better person. I felt better, I felt lighter, I felt happier. Since the decision was made overnight none of my family or friends knew but I’m sure they will be happy when they hear the news. Now all that’s left is to keep living this life style and hope to be some sort of example to those around me and to keep seeking out Christ and learning to love him more each day.