A Whole New Me

For those that know me I would think that they would agree that on a whole I’m not a bad person. I don’t steal, I don’t tell serious lies, I won’t try to steal my best friend’s boyfriend, I haven’t killed anyone as of yet so yah, I’m an overall good gal. But since I’ve come to Saipan I’ve learned that I have a long way to become the person I believe God wants me to be.

There’s this guy name Carlos he preaches frequently at my church here and I always feel when he speaks he hits a tender spot in my life. Last week his message was on the health message, main focus food and to be even more specific meat. He spoke on how meat is really unhealthy and not good for the body. He backed it up with the bible and EGW and just simple facts. So because of this sermon, added with my mindset of an overall change, I am deciding that meat should be cut out of my diet. This is difficult because I love COW, everything else I can give up fairly easily but me and cow we good friends in a twisted way. But If I want to become the woman I aspire to be this is an important step. I need to take the best care of my body that I can. So what I decided to do is not to buy any meat to bring into my house and only eat meat on occasions that I go out to eat.  This saddens me slightly cause I was going to go grocery shopping soon and was looking forward to turkey bacon. I know this will be hard but by time I come home I hope it’s something I will overcome.

Outside of sermons I have my personal devotion. Early I mentioned how Proverbs 31:10-31 is the guide line I have chosen for my life and one verse speaks of a woman keeping her home clean and not being idle. So this might take a while, but I decided I would first tackle keeping my room clean. If I can do this I know I’ll be one step closer to becoming the woman I want to be. It’s funny I have talked about marriage but honestly how do I expect t to keep a home if I can’t keep my room in order. When I master this ill add more.

Of course you already know that I’ve been working on becoming more spiritually mature. I believe it’s coming along fine. So far I’ve enjoyed everything I have read. Now I’m reading Daniel which is different from everything else I have read because everything else was on how to make me a better woman. But this to I find hard to keep because other things seem more appealing at the time I choose to read my bible. Also I have started giving bible studies on Saturday afternoons. Its nerve racking and I pray I can really help and not lead people astray but it’s a new experience and so far also enjoyable.

I wish to change to become a better woman, physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am trying to have a more responsible mindset. I have a loooooong way to go but I know I have the support of my God my Family and my Friends. So when I come home I hope the people who have known me for my whole life will see a difference and that when my environment changes from Saipan to whatever else I don’t but that I keep on this path to becoming that virtuous woman.

A Bucking Parrot Fish

MEN ARE SO TERRITORAL! lol actually I mean to say males are territorial. Yesterday I went to the beach on Managaha and I can say when I returned to the main island I was tanned and relaxed. The majority of the time spent was napping and enjoying the beauty of the island. Towards the end of the day I decided I should at least spend some time in the water the wind had died down and I was getting hot.  Sera and I decided we would go snorkeling. I had a lot of fun but I felt nervous cause it was really shallow and I really didn’t want my chest scraping coral. So we decided to just hop from sand patch to sand patch to it got deeper. This made me laugh because I felt like some big bumbabling giant who couldn’t walk properly cause I was tripping over the coral and trying so hard not to break the tiny homes but failed miserably. Finally we settle down and I begin to snorkel. It was amazing! There is so much beauty under the sea. I saw so many shades of fish and all sorts of sizes. One fish I really liked looking at was a black and white fish but it wasn’t stripped it was spotted and it had an orange strip that went all the way around the edge. I saw big blue starfish and pretty orange coral.

So I’m enjoying  my underwater adventure when I swim into a certain males territory. The male Parrot Fish. This fish is a little bit bigger than the other fish but still considerably small. He has the most beautiful colors painting his sides but an man did he have and attitude. The min I get into his “space” This tiny fish starts bucking at me. AT ME! It swims side to side and then swims straight at my face and then at the last min backs off. Swims side to side then bucks bucks. Honestly he pushed me back at first. Then I start to crack up laughing and I continue to have this face off with the fish. Sera swims up next to me and puts her hand to scare him but this little bugga attacks her fingers so she screams and pulls her hand back. This has me dying. So we decide to leave the fish along and swim away.  We come to another part of the beach and guess who we meet, another bucking parrot fish. This time his attention is solely directed on Sera. He is going crazy I swear it was a sight.  So she has her stare off but then she threatens him saying she will make him lunch when she stands up and then she screams. The fish this time didn’t just buck it hit her leg. If I was on land I probably would have dropped to ground laughing. Sera is like fine and we swim out but as I was watching underwater the fish swam right next to her bucking and he whole length until we was away from his territory. You ask me, that’s a pretty ballsy fish they gave me a good laugh that day. But hey it shouldn’t have been surprising; I’ve been living with territorial men my whole life. It’s just the male way of life.

My Pro Verbs

My devotion time has really blossomed lately. The book I had decided to start reading first on this new journey of mines is Proverbs. What I came to find was that the book itself was very repetitive. But in it I found interesting texts and a few gems. So I decided for my next blog I would share the verses I really liked.

My favorite was Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Since I’ve been here in Saipan I sometimes get depressed and miss my family, my boyfriend, and my friends. Other things also factor in also but the fact is the depression is noticeable as I get quite and don’t talk much. So one night at dinner after my friends had been pesking me about what was wrong I just rested my head on the table and thought for a little bit. And this proverb is what came to mind. I decided that you not I am not enjoying my night because I am choosing not to be happy. So the best medicine was a merry heart and how could I get that? I thought about the better things the more enjoyable things I have experienced as well as how much I love my friends and family and that there supporting me and waiting for my return. Also I had been reading a book my boyfriend’s mother gave me for my birthday called the happiness project and she says you should act the way you want to feel. So that’s also what I did I raised my head with a creepy big smile and joined in the conversation. Before I knew it my attitude had really changed and I wasn’t acting the way I wanted to feel but I really felt the way I wanted to.  A merry heart really is the best medicine.

Another verse I would like to bring attention to doesn’t really do anything for me emotionally or spiritually it’s just a funny story. Proverbs 20:10 “Divers weights and divers measures, both are like abomination to the Lord.”  I didn’t misread the text or misspell the word divers it says divers in my King James Version Bible. I was so confused because why would God dislike divers’ weights. So I go to my group’s nightly worship and I bring it up, they are all just recently certified scuba divers, and they all look at me like no way hardy har har. So I say bring me a bible. We look it up sadly in another translation and I find out in front of them that God wasn’t talking about divers but rather false balances diverse. So now I look like a retard who can’t read and my roommate tries to help me out by saying she does her devotion 6 in the morning give her some slack… I don’t get any. To make things worse when I get to school the next day to coach my co coach Mitchy and his twin brother Kay are rubbing it in my face asking me if they are going to hell cause they dive and God won’t like them. Really! So this goes on for a little bit and in return I do make Mitcheys life miserable in practice working him extra hard but still I now look like a bigger blond.

As I was collecting the verses I would like to use for this blog I relocate the verse and I read divers again. I make my roommate read it and she sees why I thought what I did and then I started to try UN blond myself and prove to the world what King James wrote. At the end of the day they still laugh at me but it’s all good. BUT here’s the list of Proverbs that enjoyed and I hope you enjoy them as well.

Proverbs 6:9-10 “How long wilt though sleep O sluggard? When wilt though arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” (I am very lazy and I love to sleep)

Proverbs 6:16-19  “These six things doth the Lord hate: yea seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies and he that soweth discord amoung brethren. “(This text sums up all of Proverbs.)

Proverbs 11: 7 “When a wicked man dieth his expectation shall perish: and the hope of unjust men perisheth.”

Proverbs 11: 16 “A gracious woman retaineth honor: and strong men retain riches.”

Proverbs 11:22 “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.”

Proverbs 12:4 “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 13:4 “The soul of the sluggard desireth, and have nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.”

Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”

Proverbs 14:29 “He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exaleth folly.”

Proverbs 15:17 “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.”

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”

Proverbs 19:11 “The discretion of a man defereth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.”

Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a moker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise.”

Proverbs 20:29 “The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the grey head.” (Daddy your beautiful)

Proverbs 21:9 “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” (I thought of you Tony J)

Proverbs 22:1 “A good name is rather to be chosen then great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold.”

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Proverbs 25:21,22 “If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.”

Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.”

Proverbs 28:1 “The wicked flee when no man pursueth: but the righteous are bold as a lion.”

Proverbs 29 :15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Proverbs 30  You should take time to read for yourself cause I don’t feel like writing all of that out. But a summary of it is the type of people Solomon warns about the types of charateritcs we should avoid are going to be in the surplus in a coming generation and I would say the generation he was talking about is our own.

The last is kind of my guideline to the woman I want to be.

Proverbs 31: 10-31 A virtuous woman.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."

Coach Carter

So I have become head coach for the boy’s team and co-captain for the girls. When I volunteered I originally just wanted to coach the girls but the principle Micheal Burgland had his appendix rupture thus a boys coach was in order and Coach Priya was born.

I have had a lot of fun with them you should have seen me from the start I had no idea what their names were and some coach right. Running up and down shouting KID HANDS UP! NUMBER 14 NUMBER 14! PASS THE BALL. But after time I got it. On my Girls team we have Pauline, Joy, Danessa, Hope, Katherine, and Julie. For my boys there is Tyler, Yushiki, Hiroki, Damen, Joey, Raven, Jude, and Jether.  I feel so proud of myself.

So I titled this entry coach carter for a reason. My team is built up from 5-8^th grade and since this is still school grades are important. Now I’m never really a happy person when I come to the elementary school from the CDC ready for a game and I find out such and such can’t play because they were disruptive in class. So punishment is you can’t play for the first two quarters. This sucks for me because its usually my better players. But I accept it.

Recently though I myself had to enforce it. I came to the school ready and excited for the upcoming game when I notice one of my team members was balling (no pun intended) his eyes out. I look at the other boys to find out what happened and they whisper his grades. Come to find he is not allowed to play at all because of a situation dealing with a test he took that day. I felt sorry for the kid because to him this game was very important. So I go to Miss Tina to find what exactly happened. He had completed his math test that day without doing any of the working. So Miss Tina called him back to do the work and instead he just switched around some answers but still no working. She looked at me and said I’m sorry but it’s not fair for him not to do his work. So I go back to him pull him to the side and have a chat…so this part of my coaching is new, cause its mainly just lay ups, how to box out, jumping for the rebound, dribbling. Today I had to talk to my kid about his work and its importance. It was tough because he’s crying into my shirt because he doesn’t want to be seen and when were finally alone he kept his head in his shirt so I couldn’t see.  I explained to him that it was important that his grades are improved because basketball as good as he is at playing it will not help him in his future. I encouraged him to redo the test as Miss Tina suggested, and to take his time and not to be afraid to ask for help. I told him that if he does his best and focuses he could be finished in time to play the second half. So that’s what he did, he was able to make it for the last quarter. He was a great addition to my already tired team. But what I really enjoyed was the grade Miss Tina presented me after the game. She had graded it and he only got one wrong.  Im pretty sure he must have felt more confident when it comes to work after such a great improvement.

So it’s nothing as great as the real deal Coach Carter but I’m glad I can help out the few kids I play Basketball with. And yes it’s a bummer when they can’t play or they miss practice for study hall but at the end their getting prepared for a bigger world. And I think that’s a hard concept for them to learn because here in Saipan its almost if your born here your stuck here. So for at least these 14 kids I hope I can help change that way of thinking.

Three weeks Long Distance Relationship

Ok so this transition has been a transition for the past nine months. See I live in Bermuda and my wonderful boyfriend of two years lives in Maryland. Since I didn’t go back to school last fall we were not able to be together like the previous year. Not that long distance as painful as it was, was more tolerable because our time was only an hour off, and we could skype all night and all day (when I wasn’t working) long. Also we would text each other more frequently so communication wasn’t the issue. HERE we are 15 hours apart when it’s my day it’s his night. We can’t communicate by phone cause messages from the state don’t reach back to me. When I call its always at obnoxious hours of the night, and it’s just hard.

I feel like there’s a lot going on and I’m just not in the picture anymore. When you ask me about my life and his in the next four months there won’t be mentioning of my name in his stories. I worry that when I bombshell back in his life will it be weird or an overload and vice versa for me. 

Well I say two years of a relationship and it’s not quite true just yet this Saturday the twelfth we will be celebrating two years together. I do love him so. This will be fun. Truly it will, maybe I’ll tell you on a day-by-day (its and idea in the making for my blog)

This is a transition I don’t like, but I’m trying to make the best out of it and I know he is to. But you know what scares me, I have a nagging thought what if while finding ourselves we find out were not meant to be. Like I’m not what he’s looking for or the opposite. It’s a four percent chance but it’s still scary you know.

Three weeks Spiritual

  Third transition and probably one of the biggest for me when it comes to finding myself overall.  So the reason I’m here is because I am a missionary. Now it’s probably problematic that the only one I think I have helped bring closer to God is myself, but it’s a working progress right? I know it’s kinda backwards and I should have already established where I am with God but it’s been a struggle for me for the past ten months.

Since I’ve been out here I’ve been surrounded by a huge spiritual influence.  I now go church every week (I know it’s only three weeks), Friday night worships with haystacks, I host a devotion at least once a week, I did the scripture reading, and the best part I’ve begun a morningish ritual personal devotion with God. This is big for me because it’s what I’ve wanted to do for a long time. I’ve been reading the pro verbs (I think that’s catchy) and it has some really good advice there. See I’ve kinda been depressed because I’m separated from a lot of people I’m close to and there’s a verse in Proverbs that have been helping me stay in a good frame of mind. “A merry heart is like medicine, and broken spirit dries the bones.” I repeat that to myself from time to time so I try to make it happen I attempt to have a merry heart. To do that I think about what the author to The Happiness Project wrote “Act the way you want to feel.” So that has been my goal.

All this is great but after three weeks I believe I have a greater purpose here in Saipan when it comes to the Spiritual Transition. My house mate every Sabbath goes out into the community and gives 5-7 min bible studies I think I want to get involved in that or some other project because Preschool teacher to me isn’t really spreading the Word because given three and four year olds understand much more then you think I believe there is still something more I can do here. So that is my goal for a greater transition.

Also I’ve come to the conclusion that when I go home I wish to surround myself with more spiritual people or be the influence on my friends to incorporate a lifestyle that includes more than movies, parties, sleepovers. I’m not saying that I’m going to go GUN HO!, everything religious because it doesn’t have to be like that but I want to try making it a bigger part of our lives.

This is one transition I think I’m molding well into I’m glad for that.

Three weeks as a Teacher

I give props to full time teachers. Second transition was becoming a teacher. The age level that I deal with daily now is 3 to 4 year olds whose favorite question is why? Any command I throw their way is constantly greeted with the question why.  It’s trying.

Before coming to Saipan I had a goal. I wanted to become more patient. I might now come off as a impatient person but that’s because as my boyfriend has told me I’m a very passive person. So I might appear calm and collected but inside I’m screaming. As a teacher my patience is being worked like a mule in Mexico, if that even makes sense.

Here is review of a typical day at work.

• ·         I’m greeted with smiles and Hugs
• ·         Then I try and settle the children down so we can go play outside
• ·         I eat many cups of so spicy sand soup
  student comes and cries about someone pushing them, hitting them, kicking them, being mean etc.
• ·         We go inside have worship (try getting a 3 year old to just sit a listen good luck)
• ·         Do arts and crafts amongst other things
• ·         More crying
• ·         More crying
• ·         Lunch
• ·         Brush teeth/ bathroom time (I occasionally get peed on btw)
• ·         Crying
• ·         Nap time
• ·         Snack time
• ·         Parents pick up children

Between the crying, children not listening, and bickering teachers I think I say my patience is being stretched. I say this in hopes it is also becoming stronger, so anything you throw at me in my future will be a piece of cake.

I’m also using this experience to also figure out if teaching is a future career for me. My mother really wants me to return to school and she would hate for me to be a college drop out. I on the other hand would prefer to know what I want to study. Although at this point in time I’m running out of time to be able to just flow with the wind. So when this trip is over I need to be prepared to start something as well as finish something, with good grades.

Here’s looking forward to the outcome. Maybe teaching will be easier once I instill fear and gain respect.

But it’s only been three weeks as an inexperienced ever-changing teacher…what did you expect?

Three weeks as My Own Person

   This is my first transition. I was welcomed to Saipan by a group of people who I now spend just about every minute of the day with. It was nice to see smiling faces. My mother and I had traveled for a lengthy period of time and you can say we were tired. But regardless five hours later we were up and headed to church.  It was a nice service. Later we were escorted by the same group of people around the island on tour of this small but bigger then my own island. It was tiring. After this we went out for dinner. I now see this is just about how I would be spending quite a bit of my days from now on.

   Day 2 in Saipan I moved in with my new roommate Sera. These three weeks have been great. We connect on a level spiritually like were kinda on the same walk. Though I know it’s different in a hundred different ways. She is an interesting person, like the kinda person you meet in movies. Loves black and white movies, loves life, loves awesome all about life books, and did a drastic move to a country on the other side of the world! But we’re not talking about her own person were talking about mine.

   These past three weeks I’ve had to learn how to budget. Meaning I have to shop for groceries that will last, pay gas bill for the car, pay for my internet, use my own spending money it’s hectic. I don’t know how grown up, grownups do it with mortgages, and children and bigger stresses then the ones I’m going through. It’s sad but I think I’ll listen to my boyfriend when he says after we get married we wait 2.5 years before children that would be one less hassle.

So here is a list of what I’ve learned:

• ·         You can’t live off of bread meat and cheese. (they run out fast)
• ·         Cars eat money
• ·         Living the life of social life minus responsibility should sooo taking advantage of that when I get home
• ·         Things add up fast two hundred dollars can slip out your fingers like soap
• Being my own person is harder than I thought and I’m pretty sure it’s not about to get any easier

my last move

My last move was from Bermuda to Saipan. I learned that age 20-25 is when you find your self so I figure this is me finding myself and if your interested feel free to read on. One month before making this move I was about to start college pursue a career in the culinary arts doing either baking or butchering.

I saw on a Facebook status that there was a need for another student missionary and one month before school I hopped on a plane and headed miles from home to become a preschool teacher. And here I am, teacher and student this is going to be an interesting year.